Concentration Camps Exposed in Lanka

Of Being Gay…Part 2

I really liked Indi’s comment for my previous post. Because every time another way I validate my self for what I am going through is by thinking why would I want to marry a person, a girl I mean and end up screwing up her life? Isn’t that a worst sin than ever? Isn’t loving someone and being with that person of the same sex a lesser sin compared to marrying the person from the opposite sex and ruining their life, their mentality, their dreams and hopes of a happily ever after a far more painful act to commit? I always wonder one day when I have to open up to my parents and family how would I justify it to them? How would I fight being married to the person of the opposite sex? I’ll always think the answer would be what Indi pointed out, I wouldn’t want to ruin a life, shatter someones dream, how will you feel if it happened to you my beloved mother? How would you feel if you had a daughter and it happened to her? Painful isn’t it?Thank you Indi, thanks for the valuable comment.

Another issue I have is how these religions have remedies to “cure” the “illness” called homosexuality. What on earth is that? Homosexuality is not an illness people. But yes if these so called religions have methods to cure well my opinion is that you are creating something called a mental illness nothing else. You are going to psychologically affect someone by all the curing remedies you have. I believe that I am born with it. Circumstances didn’t create me in this way, God intended me in this way and except being battling to be accepted by society and family I am totally happy with the person of who I am.

I was talking to a friend few days back and I was talkign to her about how I feel so guilty at times because of the whole religious aspect of this and it worrys me that my significant other has to live with it for the rest of his life. I then asked her what would she do if she was in my position and this is what she replied. “Since I am Christian and Christianity preaches that being Gay is wrong and curable, Ill find a way to cure this illness. I respect you as a friend of mine but I personally think its wrong. Its not the right way. If I were you Ill seek guidance about curing my self.” I didn’t know what to say to her.

A month back one of my boy friend’s best friend suddenly comes on msn and starts giving me a whole sermon on Islam’s view on homosexuality and how me and my boy friend are doing the ultimate sin. The unspeakable sin. I mean common seriously from when did God say loving someone is a sin? Am I killing? Am I stealing? Am I hurting someone? Am I committing all those gizzlion sins that the Quran says is punishable? I am simply loving. Its mutual love. Mutual respect. Its love beyond the physical aspect. I honestly don’t feel that I am sinning. But yet I have to mention one thing, there are certain Muslims who I have witnessed do all sorts of crazy shit and dirty work and ultimately do their 5 prayers and confess that their sin is nothing anymore, not a sin anymore and consider them selves pure Muslims and preach how others can’t do this and that. I have one thing to say to you I am better than you, above you as I am loving not sinning and misusing religion for my selfishness. At the end you can’t judge me, no right to judge me. Let the lord above judge me, hes the purest not anyone in this world. So just shove it!

Of Being Gay…

Yes, all of you who are reading are probably right. I wanted to get attention by putting the title as it is. It eats me up for not being able to openly express who I truly am and I feel guilty at times for bringing down the people who are part of me. I think its time to open up. The reason I named my blog The Juicy Entice is to squeeze out certain things that I am not been able to express in my daily life so easily. Hence the anonymity.  I wanna be my self here in this blog of mine and feel free from the world which is judge mental.

I am Gay.

When its still a battle or in some cases nothing short of hell to be Gay and have your headup high in 98% of the world, I am Sri Lankan, Brown, Hindu Gay guy in a relationship with a Muslim young man. A long distance relationship. Do you know how it feels to be in a position where I am today? Even shooting yourself wouldn’t give such pain. Its complicated way beyond the world is, at times. When one side of the world is fighting if being Gay is right or wrong, there’s another world of Religion and Culture which just completely breaks you down. Its just you against the whole wide world.You against The Geeta, The Bible, The Quran the all. It sometimes feel its just you battling the all mighty. How do you even dream of winning that? How do you even think of fighting that? I don’t know but I still wanna try!

And trying is it easy? Hell no. Right now in the eyes of the world Me and My Love are sinning. Committing the unspeakable crime of loving each other so truly for the past 3 years. Is love a sin? Answer is love a sin? Why oh why do we have these boundaries that makes love so sour at times since its a battle. A battle against lord. A battle that makes you feel that you are sinning every breath you take? Is lord that unfair? Or does the lord even care? Doesn’t the lord understand the purity called love? Is my love preaching good than the Geeta, Bible and the Quran? Or is my love simply wrong? Why is it so wrong to love a guy anyways? Answer my lord! Answer!

To be continued….

A kind that bothers me…

We are living in the 21st century or even passed that celebration a decade ago. We have evolved in every way possible but still that monkey business that started off millenniums ago still lingers doesn’t it?

Love, what a beautiful feeling. What a magical experience it is. When its at the high its at all time high, the happiness is immeasurable. But yes when the wheel rolls to the bottom it does hit us with a bang and the tears and the pain is indeed all part of the package. Yet with knowing all this we still want it, we still fall into it mostly unknowingly in the most unexpected places and yes evolve in this process to make it meaningful to the generations to come.

Yes all said is true. But when do we fall in love with someone? When we know that person very well, there’s is this feeling inside us that says yes its right! I do not believe in love at first sight people its all “lust” at first sight! There is that “IT” thing that some people call “CHEMISTRY” that happens between the two, that makes it work, beyond religious, cultural, language barriers, well these days I have to say beyond the differences of sex. But you see you don’t fall in love with the “Perfect” person! Love is loving that person through all the flaws and loving the imperfect and willing to change for oneself for the betterment of the other. That’s love. That’s true love. When we choose that “Special someone” we look through all of it and believe deep deep in your mind that for better or for worse, in sickness or in health is you and me that will take this journey truthfully and “hopefully” to the end.

After all this there is this “Unique” kinda people that I really want to talk about. They want all of the above and even more! But what ever differences that the process of falling in love didn’t really care about, doesn’t really matter suddenly bites them and Bang! they fail to bite back! Suddenly religion, language, culture, parents everything comes in between and oh boy the love doesn’t matter anymore! They spent all that energy and sacrifices for the one they love but when such issues knock on their doors , these people don’t have the guts to just push back the door harder or just lock it away for ever! Isn’t this just lame? Where is the guts people? Wont you fight for the loved one anymore? You ignored all the differences when the fun was just a bit too much fun, but when that pain plays a peekaboo you guys just run away how dare? Did you just truly love?

But when you bring up this argument there comes a defense that even more gutless. My children will be confused of what religion to follow, my children would be lost in two worlds, I would be looked down upon, my parents wouldn’t like it, after they doing so much for me I can’t think of such pain for them, the differences will bite you one day so its better if we agree upon now and the list goes on and on and sheesh im disappointed. Is it just me or doesn’t these people live in a new world? A world where a Black man can be president, a gay couple who can have kids, a world where we begin to see that there’s nothing called religion its all the same thing with different names. When the change is all around us why are we still so backward enough to step forward? Why can’t we stand up for ourselves and shout to the world this is my love, this is my future, this is what I want, do you have a problem? I simply don’t care!

Say it people, stand up for your self, for your love people. Its a new world not the old kind that kills! Make the change, every thing else will change just for you!

These days I happen to see a lot of couples who have been dating for ages like years and years and suddenly they are having countdowns for their own breakups and the reason? Religious, cultural differences. I mean if you know that’s a problem why waste you freaking time loving this person knowing deep deep inside its not gonna workout at the end? Be friends from the beginning will you? Why make that commitment?  Who is stupid enough to know that they are gonna be in shit and end up just continuously doing it for their own selfishness? Why people? Why fall in love or for a matter of fact continue on for such a long time and end in misery?

For all of you who belong to this kind, I pity you I honestly do but at the same time I am bursting in anger for your stupidnes. At the end its just misery that you knew at the beginning, so stop crying! I pity you, I do!

There’s always a worry…

There has been always a worry in my mind that I don;t get to experience the same kinda fun and excitement other 21 year olds seem to get. Is it because I am pushign too hard or is it the way im approaching it is different I don’t know I just don’t seem to measure up ever. It hurts at times and confusing of where I am goign wrong. People ym age seem to have the fun and excitement effortlessly while I here sitting in a corner wonder how do they do that what magic do they possess that i don’t seem to have? What I mean by fun? Just checkout any 21 year old out there they and a bunch of friends seem to have the time of their lives in college, university, outdoor trips, nightlife you name it they are all having it! But me? I don’t know I just can’t seem to live up to that life and it really is regretful. When everyone talks about their teens and twenties and the amount of fun they had which is unforgettable I tend to think will I ever get to be part of it?

But they say if you don’t get to experience such things you tend to do other things that other people don’t measure up to and they are much more special than what the others tend to live upto. But in that sense too what am I doing thats making a difference? What am I doing that’s memorable for me to think 50 years from now and feel so happy and have no regrets on?

Do I measure up? What am I doing wrong? I just don’t know I am confused. I am worried.

The Oscars, Revived and Re-lived…

This year’s Oscars seem to have this magical feel surrounding it. Even after three days have passed since the show the feel still lives on. For quite a few years now the Oscars was struggling to get ratings and produce a fabulous show that was memorable and watched by all. But they failed. The shows were dull and long and you don’t even remeber who won and who didn’t and what happend in the show just stayed with it and died at the end of the day. But this year the magic lives on, the feel lives on, every single moment of the show is right in front of my eyes and the feeling is simply great. It was not a fancy show, due to budget cuts and the recession the show had minimal acts but they were simple yet enjoyable and was wanting us ask for more.

Of course Slumdog Millionaire was a huge winner not only at the Oscars but globally as well. Not a single film since the Titanic has received such global recognition and applause than Slumdog Millionaire. Everyone from the States to Canada to India to China to England to Australia seem to celebrate together the victory of this movie. Its infact a modern story giving us all hope that if a boy from the slums can do it what are we waiting for? So its close to heart and it deserves the win and recognition it just multiplied all over the globe! The music do I even have to go there? Phenomenal and A R Rahman just proved the world what he is made of. The music is haunting. Not just Jai H, but O Saya, Latikas Theme, Dreams on Fire and Mausam are simply fabulous and pushed the world music scene a gizzlion notches higher. Bravo! This is just the beginning and we are awaiting for more magical masterpieces!

Amidst all the Slumdog buzz I cannot fail to realise the best actor win for Sean Penn for his portrayal of Harvey Milk in the movie Milk. I should say this is not any ordinary win. It’s a subtle recognition of the Academy towards Gay Rights I should say. Yes Brokeback Mountain was a start, but theres something about Milk and the win for Sean Penn that seems to voice a much more stronger opinion to lift the ban on Gay marriages in California or even the States. I hope this is a new beginning.

Yes I hope this is a new beginning for the world to come together and celebrate one another in a global stage called the Kodak theatre. Let all our Dreams be on Fire! Adios!

Do I need to say more??? Slumdog is the Millionaire!

Slumdog was the ultimate winner as predicted or as common sense tells us. It was a fantastic Oscars this year with the hype created by Slumdog! It won in style it made the slums of Mumbai proud and a new light to poverty!

I should specially mention ARRahman with his double dose of Oscar win ! He deserves it mroe than anything else in this world and sitll manage to stay down to earth! He chose love over hatred, He praised the Lord above than anything else and that itself makes us celebrate his victory whole heartedly! A R Rahman’s acceptance speech:

Before coming, I was excited and terrified. The last time I felt like that was during my marriage. There’s a dialogue from a Hindi film called “Mere paas ma hai,” which means “I have nothing but I have a mother,” so mother’s here, her blessings are there with me. I am grateful for her to have come all the way. And I want to thank the Academy for being so kind, all the jury members. I want to thank Sam Schwartz, I/D PR, all the crew of Slumdog, Mr. Gulzar, Raqueeb Alam, Blaaze, my musicians in Chennai and Mumbai. And I want to tell something in Tamil, which says, which I normally say after every award which is… “God is great.” Thank you.

The surprise was of course the win of Sean Penn which was indeed bitter sweet. He won over the highly anticipated Mickey Rourke! But I should say it was a win for Gay rights, the acceptance of homosexuality amongst America and the Academy!

I had a famulous time enjoying todays show and of course Slumdog and ARRahman had 98% to do with it! Jai Ho!

Delhi 6 – A Sixer by ROM!

The Roshan that conquered the Bandar of movies, Delhi 6 for me was enlightening and a refresher of what life should be and what religions should be. Chandini Chowk of Delhi has be chosen as a fantastic backdrop to explore different theme such as personal freedom, caste differences, religious differences and above all the darkness that every man has in him that brings out his acts of supidity. I am previledged and honored to write the movie review of Delhi 6 as my first post in this blog.

What can free a man form ignorance? The Light! And that light came in the form of Abhishek Bachchan trying to make a difference in this small block of Chandini Chowk. A movie full of metaphors and symbolism that is truly a masterpiece in my opinion. A very unique and new style of narration and story telling thats fresh and interesting for the viewer. There are no dull moments, the comedy and music interwoven with the story itself. Its weaved and weaved like the rich Indian silk and the end product is nothing short of grandeur, and excellence and mastering of the art of cinema by Rakesh Omprakash Mehra. Masakalli the white dove that symbolizes freedom; Roshan the light that frees the darkness; Kala Bandar the black monkey, the ignorance that surrounds us; the Tulsi tree the symbol of a new beginning and the story of Ramayan, the rich history the land of India is proud of and of course draws the parallels with the incidents; the mirror which reflects that Gods within search for him inside!

A R Rahmans music and background score is the cool magical rain for the rustic Chowk! Abhishek, Sonam, Waheeda, Rishi Kapoor, Atul, Divya Dutta, Om Puri excel as actors. Binod Pradhans cinematography is treat for the eyes and Prasoon Joshi’s lyrics are lasting. The movie that might fail with the masses is sure to enthrall the urban enthusiastic and the sophisticated! A movie that will last Delhi 6 is a Sixer by ROM! Hats Off!

P.S: Critics like Taran Adarsh and others who bashed the film theres just one thign I’ve got to say, you guys aren’t matured enough to understand new cinema or change in Hindi Cinema or the maturity to understand rich cinema and mature subjects dealt in a sophisticated movies like Delhi 6, therefore Grow Up!

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